December 2009
24 posts
A True Thespian
Her: What the hell are you doing?
Him: I'm pretending to grab your boobies.
Her: What?
I'm Smaret
Him: I see.
Her: Do you?
Him: Yeah, I'm smaret.
Her: ...
Him: I mean smart.
Her: That was smart.
Secrets are for everyone
Her: I can't tell you, it's a secret.
Him: Ooh, a secret. I wanna know!
Nightmares and video games
Her: Aah! I just woke up from a really scary dream.
Him: Was it about World of Warcraft?
Her: Yes.
Him: Haha!
Love and marriage go together like a horse and...
Him: What would you do if I got down on one knee and proposed to you in front of my entire family on Christmas day?
Her: I'd laugh. Like this. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Late Excuse #1
Her: I'm sorry I'm late, but when I put on my socks this morning, I found a fistful of sand in them.
Him: Wtf?
Her: It must have been from when I went to the beach in Ireland.
Him: That was over 6 months ago.
Talking Dirty
Her: Talk dirty to me.
Him: There was a woman, and she had a baby. Then her flat set on fire.
Her: I don't think I'm in the mood any more.
Speech Impediments
Her: Get me a Sweet Chilli Chicken Deli Meal.
Him: Hi, I'd like a Sweet Chicken Chili Meal please.
Her: Psst, it's Sweet Chilli Chicken
Him: I mean, I'd like a Chicken Chilli Sweet Chicken Meal please.
Her: Sweet Chili Chicken
Him: That's a Chili Sweet Chicken Meal please.
Her: I think there's something wrong with you.
Sad Face Etiquette
Her: :(
Him: You said I needed a penis enlargement, you don't get a sad face.
It's only incest if you're on Jerry Springer
Him: Weren't you going to bed?
Her: I decided to masturbate to the photo of your mum instead.
Him: That's good, now I don't feel guilty about doing the same to the photo of your dad.
Avada Kedavra
Him: What's a muggle?
Her: I like that you don't know what a muggle is.
Him: It's because I'm cool.
Her: Let's not stretch that far.
A Perfectly Sensible Conversation
Him: Boobies.
Her: 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288
Him: Touche.
Sandwich assassin
Him: I think your sandwich just tried to kill me.
Her: What?
Him: It tried to choke me a few minutes after I'd eaten it.
She wants a darkroom for Christmas
Him: So you want this enlarger thing?
Her: For your penis?
Nudity = Relationship
Him: I am your boyfriend because I saw you naked yesterday.
Her: Calm the shit down.
Fellatio
Her: A beaver can have a trout in its mouth and not eat it, and I can have a dick in my mouth and not suck it.
Strap Ons and Secrets
Her: Can you do me a favour? You have to agree to it first.
Him: Umm, No. Because the favour might be to bum me with a strap on.
Rapist's Kiss
Him: Why did you just hit me while I was trying to kiss you? It made me feel like a rapist.
After 3 worrying months without Aunt Flo to visit
Her: I think Star Trek gave me my period back.
It's not sexy to pass chocolate while kissing
Him: Why didn't you just eat it? I feel like I just got puked on.
Ugly Betty
Her: Are you saying your Dad won't find me sexy?
Him: No that's -
Her: Are you saying I'm ugly?
Him: What's wrong with you?
I'm a man
Her: Owww! That hurt!
Him: I'm sorry, but I had to go all manly on you!
Boobies drive my man-child wild
Radio DJ: So phone in and tell us what drives your child wild? Is it wind, I've heard children get mental and hyper on a windy day. What drives your child wild?
Him: BOOBIES!
Man Boobs
Him: ....and I could see them through his jumper!
Her: So you spent the day looking at another man's breasts?
Him: They were very round.